Are you free to lead?
It’s hard to lead from inside a box – cramped, dark, lit only by the peephole you poked in the side to see what’s going on.
Some boxes are imposed from the outside, created by wrongheaded policies, inadequate funding, or morale-draining “leadership” from above.
Some boxes are self-imposed, created by endless to-do lists, overwhelm, and fear of inadequacy.
My walls - all our walls - are self-constructed boxes, carefully designed to protect us from the vulnerability of living our lives fully, leading fully, of being fully seen (and judged) for our choices.
I say I am boxed in by lack of time, yet when time becomes available, I quickly rebuild the walls with some other real or imagined “lack.” The walls fell, but I remained in the space I had created for myself.
I say I am boxed in by lack of money or knowledge or certain qualities I’ve deemed lacking. So, when any of those become more abundant, why am I not suddenly more productive, happy, and brave? (Wait, I will be — as soon as...)
As hard as we try, it’s mighty hard – no, it’s impossible – to lead from inside a box. The people who count on you most can’t find you (even when you’re in plain sight). Feeling lost, they create their own boxes – boxes that hide them from you, from each other, and, eventually, from themselves.
Ironically, it’s not easy to give up the box, for the very same box that imprisons you, protects you. The people who count on you may be scared or angry or disillusioned – and they all want you to fix it. No wonder it feels better to stay inside.
But inside the box, you are never free — never free to be the leader you intended.
Here are four ways to stick your finger through that peephole and begin tearing down the walls:
Get up. Right now. Get up, go to where people are, notice something positive going on, and tell that person about it. I mean it. I don’t care if there are 17 things going wrong, amplify the one thing that’s going right. And notice how the wall of that box begins to thin.
Call a colleague and confess. “Meg, I’m sitting here in my dark box, and I’m afraid to leave.” There’s something about the simple act of saying it out loud that strips it of its power. And the walls thin.
Leave. Step out of the box. I know you have 49 items on your “urgent” to-do list. But are you getting them done sitting there in the dark? Right. So, you’re in charge; get in the damn car and drive to a coffee shop to do your work or take a walk on the beach or have a conversation with yourself. But Go.
Name it. Call your core team together and name it. “I’ve noticed that we’ve begun to isolate from each other. Me, most of all! Kinda sucks, doesn’t it? So, I want to start by saying I’m sorry for my part in that.” Then have a conversation. Be irreverent. Laugh. Be human. And watch the walls dissolve.
Bottom line? You’re the leader. Go first. Take the risk. For inside the box, you will never – not ever — be free to be the leader you intended.