The irony of change
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
~ Carl RogersIronic, isn't it? We want change, long for change, believe we need change — in ourselves or in others. By nurture or nature, getting people or systems to change may be your life's work. You may believe that if you don't create change, you're out of a job — and that if you don't change, you’re stuck and hopeless.
So, naturally, you focus on what you think needs to change. You sweat and you toil, you worry and plan, you prod and berate and encourage and try anything you think might work this minor miracle.
And by and large, little changes.
The irony is that real change, the kind that genuinely transforms lives, can only happen when we accept where others (or we) actually are, see the strengths in it, stand in awe of it — and build on it.
Here's an analogy. Imagine carpenters going to work on a dilapidated old fixer-upper. If they focus only on what is wrong with the house, they will flop from one repair to another, always uncovering yet another problem to be fixed, as if this collection of random fixes will eventually create a beautiful home.
The visionary carpenters look beyond the mess to find what is still strong and healthy in the house, then build on it. In fact, they will be quite excited about what they have discovered. They will talk animatedly about what is possible and, with each step, get even more jazzed by the unique opportunities offered by this house. The problems are just noise to be managed. They are focused on the unique, core strengths of that particular house — and how they can use those strengths to manage or mitigate the weaknesses. This is a process of discovery and IT’S FUN.
Imagine if we lived our lives or ran our organizations this way, looking beyond the noise to find the best tools we have to work with. Imagine putting those tools to work to create something uniquely beautiful and strong. It isn't that anything is possible, it is that this is possible.
Every day presents this opportunity to accept and see what is in a brand new way. When, instead of comparing it to some ideal, we embrace what is uniquely true, name what is right and strong, and make that the foundation of what comes next, change unfolds with an exquisite order that looks and feels like it was meant to be.