The "Story Loop"
In the writing world, there is a concept called the “story loop.” Stated simply, it’s that first sentence of a story that opens a question in your brain and makes you want to hear more.
Story loops are powerful because they beg to be closed. Sort of like a piece of music that gets turned off right at the climax — your brain wants to (ne-e-eds to) finish it.
What we don’t realize is that we’re opening story loops all day long – with our body language, facial expressions, words, and actions.
If my wife asks me how I’m doing and, without looking up, I respond with a flat “fine,” I’ve just opened a story loop in her mind. Is he mad? Sad? Distracted? Did he just get some bad news? Is he still ticked off about last night? Or does it mean anything at all?
If I walk by a co-worker and don’t acknowledge them? A story loop is opened.
If I walk into a meeting like I’m out for blood? A story loop is opened.
If I provide only a curt response to an email about a sensitive issue? A story loop is opened.
On the receiving end, if I lack a clear story to close the loop, I make one up! That’s what we mean when we talk about feeling “triggered.” A trigger is nothing but a story loop to which we’ve attached a negative story of our own.
Let me say that again: A trigger is nothing but a story loop to which we’ve attached a negative story of our own.
Now, here’s where it really gets hairy. When a trigger happens (and opens a story loop), your brain goes, “Hey, I know what to do here!” and starts running the same story you always tell yourself when that story loop is opened.
It’s a habit, a well-worn path that feels comfortable and familiar - even when it feels bad.
It doesn’t matter that nothing good comes from the well-rehearsed story you’re telling yourself — you’re on automatic. Once that story loop is triggered, the habit takes over. (Author and teacher, Pema Chödrön, calls this “shenpa.”)
Here’s a little experiment designed to help you challenge these well-worn stories: Choose just 30 minutes in your day where you set the clear intention to notice when you get triggered.
See if you can notice not just that you got triggered, but what story loop that trigger opened — and the story (or self-talk) you tell yourself as a result.
That’s all. Just 30 minutes a day where you commit to noticing both the trigger and what comes next. Just an hour.
(See what I did there? I just opened a story loop about what happens if you just notice for 30 minutes a day.)
Want to kick it up a notch? In your team meetings or in casual conversations, be vulnerable enough to share what you’ve been noticing.